United Airlines - How Can we Disappoint You?

So here I am - stuck in Denver for a few hours. My flight out of Dallas was delayed due to mechanical problems - not a big deal. It happens. The pilot was pretty cool about it, and free drinks were offered to anyone who wanted. Then I arrive at Denver, visit my favorite restaurant here (Mile High Grill) for a cheeseburger & iced tea. It's been a really long day and I'd like to kill the next 3 hours in solitude if possible. I haven't flown with United for quite a few months and notice my Red Carpet Club membership seems to have expired. The RCC is a lounge of sorts upstairs. Nice & quiet, refreshments, easy chairs, big screen TVs and CLEAN RESTROOMS. Since my membership just expired a couple of months ago I figured it might be worth a try asking if I can visit the RCC just this once. On the outside chance that I had renewed and forgot, I asked the woman behind the entrance counter to scan my card and check my renewal date. I'm sort of surprised by her demeanor - no smile (could have been the makeup), and eyes strangely devoid of life form. She does so, then stares at me through the eyes of the undead and says "your card is invalid. Do you want to renew?." I tell her no thank you. Since I don't travel United much anymore there really is no point. I could have purchased a "One-day" pas for - get this $50.00! I ask for my card back - the nice shiny plastic one with my name and frequent flyer account (still valid) number on it. The United zombie with way too much makeup on now stares at me with even deader eyes and says "I have to confiscate it". I tell her, "But it is my card and I need it to log on for flight registration, etc.". Again the cold, lifeless stare, and a curt " You can use your boarding pass - it has your number on it". Yeah, right, I'm going to carry my boarding pass forever inn my wallet - so much handier. I ask her why she can't return my card to me. "Those are the rules". At this point I seriously considered grabbing her in a headlock, giving her a well-deserved noogie, then running for it after grabbing my card, but I realized I'm in an airport - possibly full of more United Zombies who have decided I'm some sort of terrorist who infiltrates Red Carpet Clubs across the country to steal pretzels and fresh fruit. I calmly walk out into the terminal area, vowing under my breath to seek revenge. How difficult would it have been for this woman to (A) Greet me with a smile in the first place and at least call me by name? (B) Apologize, and explain nicely that she simply could not grant me access, and (C) hand me the damn card back! After a short walk I saw that I was approaching TCBY and decided I needed a chocolate ice cream cone. No membership needed here. I ordered a waffle cone. Not only did this dude - working for minimum wage at 9:00PM on a Friday night - give me service with a smile, he plopped 3 or 4 big scoops into the cone and asked me "Is that enough, sir?" Then after I paid him, another smile and "Have a great weekend". He obviously was not one of the undead. It simply amazes me how so many people miss out on an opportunity to make someones day better, not worse. Oh, yeah, the revenge part? I think I'll fly Southwest next time. Last time I flew them the pilot was cracking jokes, greeting all the passengers, picked up trash in the cabin after we landed, and the flight attendant told me he had left United to work for Southwest because they were so much more fun to work for. Plus I really dig the shiny planes and cool colors. You can sit anywhere you want without having to pay for those "extra inches", and unlike the United zombies, those folks seem to be living, breathing, humanoids. With that kind of service, who really needs a fancy lounge anyway?