Wednesday Wisdom - Eight Supportive Behaviors Every Coach (and Person) Should Use

By Kevin Eikenberry
Knowing and agreeing with that idea is one thing. Knowing what that means and being able to identify and exhibit supportive behaviors is something else entirely. And that is the point of this article: identifying and explaining some specific behaviors that will help you be supportive of others.
Eight Supportive Behaviors
Collaborate. As a leader or supervisor, you cannot do everyone’s work, or do their work for them. You must, of course, delegate and empower others to do their work. And yet as a leader you must create a sense of shared ownership. You need to see yourself (and the team needs to see you) as a part of the team. While your role may be different, you are still a part of the team. When you see yourself, and act as a part of the team, others will feel supported in their actions. Remember, delegation isn’t the same as abdication, and as such you must see yourself as a collaborator.
Help/assist. Along this same line, you support others when we are willing to lend a hand. My earliest and best experience with this concept is thanks to my father. Growing up on a commercial hog farm meant that there were always some (very) unpleasant jobs to be done. On many occasions I remember being given these unsavory jobs while Dad was away at a meeting or tending to other farm-related business. In most every case, if he returned while I was still doing the unsavory task, he changed his clothes and picked up a pitchfork or shovel. Perhaps you lead a team who has tasks you can’t do directly. If that is the case you can still assist. Find out what you can do to help, especially when the timeline is short and the work is long.
Empathize. To empathize is to understand how the other person feels. One of the most important things you can ever do is let people know you understand how they are feeling. You may not agree with their perspective, you may even think there were actions they could have taken to avoid the situation they now find themselves in (those may be points for personnel coaching at the appropriate time). But legitimately empathizing is one of the most supportive things you can do for another person or group.
Recognize someone’s value. I’m guessing your children don’t always exhibit behaviors you approve of, yet we all will always love our children. And think about it, even little children can tell the different between their behavior and their intrinsic value. When you let people know you value them as an individual you are supporting them. When you do have to give feedback about performance, it is important that you separate performance from who they are. We are supportive when we care about people and show it (and not just say it).
Recognize their goals and interests. People are more than their on-the job performance. When you know something about people’s strengths, interests and long term objectives, you can often help them reach those objectives and support those interests. This isn’t about giving people complete freedom to do whatever they want on the job. To the contrary, you are being supportive of others when you help them succeed in their current job – and help them reach toward their personal and professional goals too.
Listen. One of the most supportive things you can do (for anyone) is to really listen. This is even truer when you are in any position of power (or perceived to be). Stop what you are doing. Remove the distractions. Be quiet, and listen. When you listen you are showing you value their feelings and opinions. When you listen you are communicating that you care. This may seem so basic, but it is so powerful. Why?  Because most people reported that they are rarely truly listened to. Yet, when someone takes the time to really listen actively, it is a meaningful and memorable conversation. When that person listening is our leader or supervisor, it is even more supportive and more powerful. Always remember the power of listening, especially when you are in a position of power or influence with the other person.
Give positive feedback. Do you want to be more supportive? Tell people more often what they do well and what they are doing right. Almost no know hears this type of feedback often enough. Almost everyone I know has a story about a specific piece of positive feedback they received in their life – often in their distant past. Ask people to tell you their stories. You’ll be able to tell in their words and their eyes how powerful and supportive specific and genuine positive feedback can be.
Create positive exchanges. Do you know people who seem to light up the room . . . when they leave? That’s the opportunity I am talking about here! Make it your goal that every conversation, exchange and encounter with you leaves the other person feeling good or better about themselves, their situations and/or life in general. That statement is a benchmark that may be very difficult to live up to; however, making it your goal will allow you to be a more supportive person.
When you exhibit these behaviors in a genuine, authentic way you encourage and support people to become the very best they can be. Isn’t that the goal of coaching anyway?

Wednesday Wisdom - Attitude is Everything

An excerpt from Attitude is Everything by Vicki Hitzges

I used to worry. A lot. The more I fretted, the more proficient I became at it. Anxiety begets anxiety. I even worried that I worried too much! Ulcers might develop. My health could fail. My finances could deplete to pay the hospital bills. A comedian once said, "I tried to drown my worries with gin, but my worries are equipped with flotation devices." While not a drinker, I certainly could identify! My worries could swim, jump and pole vault! To get some perspective, I visited a well known, Dallas businessman, Fred Smith. Fred mentored such luminaries as motivational whiz Zig Ziglar, business guru Ken Blanchard and leadership expert John Maxwell. Fred listened as I poured out my concerns and then said, "Vicki, you need to learn to wait to worry." As the words sank in, I asked Fred if he ever spent time fretting. (I was quite certain he wouldn't admit it if he did. He was pretty full of testosterone—even at age 90.) To my surprise, he confessed that in years gone by he had been a top-notch worrier! "I decided that I would wait to worry!" he explained. "I decided that I'd wait until I actually had a reason to worry—something that was happening, not just something that might happen—before I worried." "When I'm tempted to get alarmed," he confided, "I tell myself, 'Fred, you've got to wait to worry! Until you know differently, don't worry.' And I don't. Waiting to worry helps me develop the habit of not worrying and that helps me not be tempted to worry." Fred possessed a quick mind and a gift for gab. As such, he became a captivating public speaker. "I frequently ask audiences what they were worried about this time last year. I get a lot of laughs," he said, "because most people can't remember. Then I ask if they have a current worry—you see nods from everybody. Then I remind them that the average worrier is 92% inefficient—only 8% of what we worry about ever comes true." Charles Spurgeon said it best. "Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength."

Desecrating The Dead

I know this is a controversial topic, but its all over the news this week and I feel the need to weigh in. Apparently a Marine sniper patrol in Afghanistan were video-taped urinating on the bodies of dead enemy soldiers. Disgusting? Yes. Disturbing? Yes. Hillary Clinton condemned the video as "inconsistent with American values". I agree this is not the type of images America wants to be known for, but we often forget that the troops featured are not politicians; they are not ambassadors; and they are certainly not in any stretch of the imagination in a "normal" situation. They are under an intense amount of stress, never knowing who the enemy is or where they will strike from next. Our troops are coming home in body bags, missing limbs, and suffering permanent brain injuries. They are also trained killers - taught to be cold hearted and to trust no one except their comrades in arms. Yet, the media and the politicians want to convey an expectation that these fighting elite should just "turn off' the rage that has to be present in battle and never give in to acts such as those depicted in the video. During the Viet Nam war it was common practice for soldiers to cut the ears and fingers off of dead enemy soldiers and carry them as trophy pieces. Every war has its atrocities. In the highly technical world in which we live in today, we are privy to seeing what has always occurred in war, but now is right in front of us every day thanks to social media. I am not excusing what occurred, but we should have compassion for the soldiers we are so quick to condemn and try to appreciate what they went through in the days, hours, and moments leading to what we see in the video. There will be more of these occurrences - count on it. Personally, I would much prefer a soldier exhibit this kind of behavior on the battlefield, than to have him or her bottle it up inside and suddenly explode once back home, possibly taking it out on innocent loved ones - it has happened before. These soldiers should absolutely be disciplined for lack of discipline - but that's it. Help them find ways to cope with the necessary act of killing and being able to show compassion for the vanquished - but do not expect that to be an easy thing. What we saw in that video is exactly what most of us would do in a similar situation - we are either ashamed to admit it or too ignorant to realize it because we have not experienced war first hand. Take some time and try to reflect on how you would deal with having to kill or be killed, and how you would react to finally seeing the body of an enemy soldier who had possibly killed your friend, you brother, your loved one. Could your inner rage possibly override your compassion? Does that make you a monster? Or just human?

Wednesday Wisdom - Who's Your Boss?

Being self employed certainly has its merits, but it also presents a challenge. Without a "boss" for guidance and direction, there is only one person to look over my shoulder - me. But that mentality can be applied no matter where you work:

Who’s your boss? The answer might surprise you

By Tom Terez

Your boss is not your primary boss. Nor is your boss’s boss. So who is? You are.

That’s right, you are your own first and foremost supervisor, manager, and leader.

Ever hear a voice in your head telling you to spend extra time with a customer? That’s your boss talking.

Ever kick yourself for moving too slow or making some dumb mistake or falling short of your potential? That’s your boss letting you have it.

Ever finish a project with a deep feeling of self-satisfaction? Give credit to that boss of yours, who knows better than anyone when you put your greatest strengths to work.

No one knows you like our own internal boss. And the best thing is, you can put this “person” to good work every day. Here are five ways:

Conduct your own performance evaluation at least once a week. No need to bother with questionable criteria, arbitrary templates, or macro-laden spreadsheets. Simply compare your productivity to your potential, and decide on one or two things to do differently during the upcoming week.

Know your strengths. It sounds obvious — so obvious that you can immediately name your top three. You can name your top three strengths, right?

Take responsibility for your own learning. There are opportunities all around you: in that magazine article you’ve been meaning to read, in that lunchtime conversation with people from another department, in that optional lunch-and-learn session, in that upcoming workshop, in that new project that will also add to your workload. The choice is yours.

Keep yourself informed. If you feel uneasy because you’re working with a scarcity of information, go to people in the know and fill in the blanks as best you can. You’ll get plenty of answers as long as you ask questions.

If you mess something up, don’t beat yourself up. Chalk it up to learning, extract the one or two biggest lessons, carry them forward to inform your future work, and leave everything else in the forgotten past.

Wednesday Wisdom - Eat That Frog!

Eat That Frog!

There's an old saying that says..."If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!"

Brian Tracy, in his book Eat That Frog! says that your "frog" should be the most difficult item on your things to do list, the one where you're most likely to procrastinate; because, if you eat that first, it'll give you energy and momentum for the rest of the day. But, if you don't...and let him sit there on the plate and stare at you while you do a hundred unimportant things, it can drain your energy and you won't even know it.

So, here's your assignment: for the next 30 days take a look at your list, circle the frog, and eat that first.

Here is an excerpt from Brian’s book on setting goals:

Here is a great rule for success:

Think on paper.

Only about 3 percent of adults have clear, written goals. These people accomplish five or ten times as much as people of equal or better education and ability but who, for whatever reason, have never taken the time to write out exactly what they want.

There is a powerful formula for setting and achieving goals that you can use for the rest of your life. It consists of seven simple steps. Any one of these steps can double and triple your productivity if you are not currently using it.


1. Decide exactly what you want. Either decide for yourself or sit down with your boss and discuss your goals and objectives until you are crystal clear about what is expected of you and in what order of priority.

2. Write it down. Think on paper. When you write down a goal, you crystallize it and give it tangible form. You create something that you can touch and see. On the other hand, a goal or objective that is not in writing is merely a wish or a fantasy. It has no energy behind it.

3. Set a deadline on your goal; set sub deadlines if necessary. A goal or decision without a deadline has no urgency. It has no real beginning or end. Without a definite deadline, you will naturally procrastinate and get very little done.

4. Make a list of everything that you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. As you think of new activities, add them to your list. Keep building your list until it is complete. A list gives you a visual picture of the larger task or objective. It gives you a track to run on.

5. Organize the list into a plan. Organize your list by priority and sequence. Take a few minutes to decide what you need to do first and what you can do later. With a written goal and an organized plan of action, you will be far more productive and efficient than people who are carrying their goals around in their minds.

6. Take action on your plan immediately. Do something. Do anything. An average plan vigorously executed is far better than a brilliant plan on which nothing is done.

7. Resolve to do something every single day that moves you toward your major goal. Build this activity into your daily schedule. You may decide to read a specific number of pages on a key subject. You may call on a specific number of prospects or customers. You may engage in a specific period of physical exercise. Whatever it is, you must never miss a day.
Keep pushing forward. Once you start moving, keep moving. Don't stop. This decision, this discipline alone, can dramatically increase your speed of goal accomplishment and boost your personal productivity.